If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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