I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
