So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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