Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
