What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
