I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
