Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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