im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
