maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
