Pappa wants mamma naked
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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