I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
