I cockslap morals
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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