Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
