im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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