i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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