I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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