hell yes lets make some ravioli
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I look better un-naked...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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