you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
