Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
