so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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