Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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