I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just google imaged poop.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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