did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
