I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize