Its about making memories worth repressing
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
