Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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