They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
