Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
