I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They took my balls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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