my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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