it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
