I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize