Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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