So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
