I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
