So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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