"it" just moved
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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