Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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