absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
