could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
