Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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