Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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