Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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