i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
