do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
