My friends, they love my intelligence
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
