Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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