Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
