so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize