At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
