you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
