Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
