Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
