there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
