You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like abortions should bother me more
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
