Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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