Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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