I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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